Just 24 hours ago Manchester United announced they had all but signed one of Europe's most exciting young attacking talents - Memphis Depay. This is a fantastic signing as we have been lacking pace in our attacks this season and hopefully it is the first step in changing this slow and monotonous build up play that has me ripping out my hair in frustration and unlike Rooney i don't have the ability to grow back my fucking hair, but this signing is more than that...it is a slap in the face to one of our bitterest rivals which makes it even more delicious. The skip rat, bin dipping, racist supporting, candle lighting club known as Liverpool FC.
Just a few short days ago Andrex...sorry I mean the Daily Mirror (easy mistake as they are both only fit for wiping my arse), were reporting that Liverpool had all but signed Depay. This lead to much merriment on Twitter and other forms of social media as unemployed scousers up and down the country laid down their crowbars and removed their gloves to comment on how they had signed the next big thing...a marque signing that shows Liverpool mean business and how it heralds their intention to challenge for the league title next season. Worrying times because Depay is a real talent and one I would prefer over Gareth Bale who would cost two fucking thirds of our transfer kitty, and one who has turned us down before so he doesn't really have a huge appetite to pull on the United jersey. Just like every season there were tweets and posts on Facebook about next year being their year...this joke still makes me laugh as this is 25 years and counting and it just never gets tiresome, and some even were starting to go quiet with their 'Brenda Rogers out' calls. On a side note you may remember one year previous when United fans were branded fickle by the gobshites from Merseyside when we called for Moyes the Destoryer to be removed, but these scouse retards do it and that's purely a different matter. Hypocrisy, along with benefits is a staple diet of a scouser.
So what went wrong for Liverpool? Why would a hot young talent like Depay choose United over them?
Well I take no pleasure (oh go on then I will) In saying that it has been a quarter of a century since Anfield saw Championship silverwear, which is even more delicious when we went through an exact stage in our history and scousers just revelled in the Munich jibes and how shite we were compared to them and their eighteen league titles. The Munich jibes slowly died down after their own disaster and their calls for minutes silences to every fucking thing linked to LFC...a minutes silence because one supporter had a milkman who passed away five years ago today from a heart attack whilst fishing. A minutes silence because another supporter had his mum cut his hair and she told him about an escaped lunatic from a local asylum who said 'BloodyMary' in a mirror three times then followed through in his pants when his dad turned on the bathroom light. The taunts on the title tally continued, a famous banner told us to come back when we'd won eighteen titles...we did...and now we sit on twenty. So Depay obviously knows we are the big draw in comparisons between the two clubs domesticity...yes of course Liverpool are far superior to us when it comes to League Cup wins, and good for them...they used to claim Charity/Community shield wins count when mocking how many trophies they had more than us, but when the tables turned the Shield didn't count any more and they demanded a minutes silence because we were victimising them. It's not as if Depay would have read in a newspaper about Liverpool's triumphant title win either as they haven't won one while Depay has been on this earth.
As the Merseyside Parrots like to remind us every minute of the day when they aren't out queueing in benefit offices or out thieving...5 times European Champions compared to our three. Well the modern Champions League is a different beast to the old European Cup, On the CL tally we outweigh them two to one though they do beat us hands down (and if we are pensioners they will beat us...) on the old European Cup tally four to one. The old format was just for the 1st placed teams in each European country, which meant you could go to the semi-final without actually meeting one of the clubs representing Europe's elite teams, and some have actually avoided them in the final as well - Nott'm Forest's victory against Malmo springs to mind. Today's CL can be brutal, more games, tougher opposition and more of it, today you face not just one giant from each of the big countries but up to four, and it can not be a coincidence that no team has retained the Champions League? In 1999 when we won the treble...that's three to any scousers reading this...we faced Inter Milan, Juventus, Bayern Munich (twice) and Barcelona just to name some. That's a tough set of fixtures in their own right when you look at that. So in Depay's lifetime we are ahead on European victories by two to one.
So what about the managers? Did their records sway it? Well Brenda Rogers did finish second last season....erm...oh and he looks rather dapper in his blazer, nope that's it. He looks Dapper and he came runners up in the league only to possibly finish 5th (4th at best) the following season. We could mention his own supporters want him out and he could have even been sacked even before Depay arrived on Merseyside with an armed guard for his medical but we'll skip past that one. So what about Van Gaal? Well I have reservations about his philosophy in the English game but nobody can knock his pedigree in European football - Titles in Germany, Spain, Holland and a very successful stint as the Dutch national team. Van Gaal also mentored him in the 2014 World Cup and Depay holds him in high esteem...but Liverpool fans knew this when they were clapping their hands at how he was about to sign so why would that play a part now and not then? It also would have to be mentioned that Van Gaal has seen his United team take victories over Liverpool both at Old Trafford and at KKKlanfield, so we can say we win hands down on who has the better manager.
What about the size of the clubs? Who is bigger? Well Old Trafford is close to being twice the size of KKKlanfield and we don't have stands that look like they deserve to be in League One let alone the Premier League, though they are about to develop their ground but you can only take so much of the benefits from the people before they can't afford to attend and you get empty seats. Look at Citeh and how they have to offer £1 seats just to fill ''their'' ground. When it comes to stadiums we win hands down again...this is getting quite embarrassing now Isn't it? I can feel a fucking accusation of bullying coming on and a minutes silence from Merseyside. What about fans? Well scousers do sing their only two songs very well at times and the atmosphere does come off better on TV than Old Trafford, but away from home? Well as witnessed this season, United's travelling fans are the most vocal in the country and even out sing the home support even when united are losing. But where Liverpool do win comfortably is when it comes to supporting racism, then that is one area we can not compete with, I think we all remember Liverpool and the 'Suarez is innocent and Evra shouldn't be black then should he?' defence...and they also beat us hands down when it comes to blood on their hands, their appauling defence of the death of 39 innocent people by their own fans in 1985 by claiming that it must have been other clubs fans is an insult to those that died and the fact it took them twenty years to apologise or accept any blame is just fucking staggering. So stadium we win, fans you can say we win with away support and they with home support, murder and racism is a scousers domain so they win that....
So there we have it, why Depay would choose United over Liverpool. of course twitter and everything else is now flooded with scousers crying how they never wanted him anyway, and suddenly he went from world class a week ago to 'nowt special' now...that's an alarming dip of form! I can see it now - KKKlanfield and Depay plays in a United shirt and is racially abused. Liverpool's PR machine claims they condemn the abuse but...but..they understand supporters frustrations as Depay did lead them on in the summer and he shouldn't be black should he? They also add that although they are not in the running for the league this season they assure us that next year is their year.
You read it here first...
Just a few short days ago Andrex...sorry I mean the Daily Mirror (easy mistake as they are both only fit for wiping my arse), were reporting that Liverpool had all but signed Depay. This lead to much merriment on Twitter and other forms of social media as unemployed scousers up and down the country laid down their crowbars and removed their gloves to comment on how they had signed the next big thing...a marque signing that shows Liverpool mean business and how it heralds their intention to challenge for the league title next season. Worrying times because Depay is a real talent and one I would prefer over Gareth Bale who would cost two fucking thirds of our transfer kitty, and one who has turned us down before so he doesn't really have a huge appetite to pull on the United jersey. Just like every season there were tweets and posts on Facebook about next year being their year...this joke still makes me laugh as this is 25 years and counting and it just never gets tiresome, and some even were starting to go quiet with their 'Brenda Rogers out' calls. On a side note you may remember one year previous when United fans were branded fickle by the gobshites from Merseyside when we called for Moyes the Destoryer to be removed, but these scouse retards do it and that's purely a different matter. Hypocrisy, along with benefits is a staple diet of a scouser.
So what went wrong for Liverpool? Why would a hot young talent like Depay choose United over them?
Well I take no pleasure (oh go on then I will) In saying that it has been a quarter of a century since Anfield saw Championship silverwear, which is even more delicious when we went through an exact stage in our history and scousers just revelled in the Munich jibes and how shite we were compared to them and their eighteen league titles. The Munich jibes slowly died down after their own disaster and their calls for minutes silences to every fucking thing linked to LFC...a minutes silence because one supporter had a milkman who passed away five years ago today from a heart attack whilst fishing. A minutes silence because another supporter had his mum cut his hair and she told him about an escaped lunatic from a local asylum who said 'BloodyMary' in a mirror three times then followed through in his pants when his dad turned on the bathroom light. The taunts on the title tally continued, a famous banner told us to come back when we'd won eighteen titles...we did...and now we sit on twenty. So Depay obviously knows we are the big draw in comparisons between the two clubs domesticity...yes of course Liverpool are far superior to us when it comes to League Cup wins, and good for them...they used to claim Charity/Community shield wins count when mocking how many trophies they had more than us, but when the tables turned the Shield didn't count any more and they demanded a minutes silence because we were victimising them. It's not as if Depay would have read in a newspaper about Liverpool's triumphant title win either as they haven't won one while Depay has been on this earth.
As the Merseyside Parrots like to remind us every minute of the day when they aren't out queueing in benefit offices or out thieving...5 times European Champions compared to our three. Well the modern Champions League is a different beast to the old European Cup, On the CL tally we outweigh them two to one though they do beat us hands down (and if we are pensioners they will beat us...) on the old European Cup tally four to one. The old format was just for the 1st placed teams in each European country, which meant you could go to the semi-final without actually meeting one of the clubs representing Europe's elite teams, and some have actually avoided them in the final as well - Nott'm Forest's victory against Malmo springs to mind. Today's CL can be brutal, more games, tougher opposition and more of it, today you face not just one giant from each of the big countries but up to four, and it can not be a coincidence that no team has retained the Champions League? In 1999 when we won the treble...that's three to any scousers reading this...we faced Inter Milan, Juventus, Bayern Munich (twice) and Barcelona just to name some. That's a tough set of fixtures in their own right when you look at that. So in Depay's lifetime we are ahead on European victories by two to one.
So what about the managers? Did their records sway it? Well Brenda Rogers did finish second last season....erm...oh and he looks rather dapper in his blazer, nope that's it. He looks Dapper and he came runners up in the league only to possibly finish 5th (4th at best) the following season. We could mention his own supporters want him out and he could have even been sacked even before Depay arrived on Merseyside with an armed guard for his medical but we'll skip past that one. So what about Van Gaal? Well I have reservations about his philosophy in the English game but nobody can knock his pedigree in European football - Titles in Germany, Spain, Holland and a very successful stint as the Dutch national team. Van Gaal also mentored him in the 2014 World Cup and Depay holds him in high esteem...but Liverpool fans knew this when they were clapping their hands at how he was about to sign so why would that play a part now and not then? It also would have to be mentioned that Van Gaal has seen his United team take victories over Liverpool both at Old Trafford and at KKKlanfield, so we can say we win hands down on who has the better manager.
What about the size of the clubs? Who is bigger? Well Old Trafford is close to being twice the size of KKKlanfield and we don't have stands that look like they deserve to be in League One let alone the Premier League, though they are about to develop their ground but you can only take so much of the benefits from the people before they can't afford to attend and you get empty seats. Look at Citeh and how they have to offer £1 seats just to fill ''their'' ground. When it comes to stadiums we win hands down again...this is getting quite embarrassing now Isn't it? I can feel a fucking accusation of bullying coming on and a minutes silence from Merseyside. What about fans? Well scousers do sing their only two songs very well at times and the atmosphere does come off better on TV than Old Trafford, but away from home? Well as witnessed this season, United's travelling fans are the most vocal in the country and even out sing the home support even when united are losing. But where Liverpool do win comfortably is when it comes to supporting racism, then that is one area we can not compete with, I think we all remember Liverpool and the 'Suarez is innocent and Evra shouldn't be black then should he?' defence...and they also beat us hands down when it comes to blood on their hands, their appauling defence of the death of 39 innocent people by their own fans in 1985 by claiming that it must have been other clubs fans is an insult to those that died and the fact it took them twenty years to apologise or accept any blame is just fucking staggering. So stadium we win, fans you can say we win with away support and they with home support, murder and racism is a scousers domain so they win that....
So there we have it, why Depay would choose United over Liverpool. of course twitter and everything else is now flooded with scousers crying how they never wanted him anyway, and suddenly he went from world class a week ago to 'nowt special' now...that's an alarming dip of form! I can see it now - KKKlanfield and Depay plays in a United shirt and is racially abused. Liverpool's PR machine claims they condemn the abuse but...but..they understand supporters frustrations as Depay did lead them on in the summer and he shouldn't be black should he? They also add that although they are not in the running for the league this season they assure us that next year is their year.
You read it here first...