Yesterday I had the pleasure to watch the Women's World Cup 2015 match between Germany and the Ivory Coast, and for entertainment value it beats the men's game hands down. Not through skill or quality of football though, no. Sadly last night I witnessed a laugh a minute match between two sets of 'sportswomen' who's contribution to football should be scaled down and placed into one of those obscure 'Football's funniest moments' clip shows you see at 3am on ITV and presented by some moron who once knew the milkman to Wayne Rooney. For those of you who believe that women should not be participating in women's sports I give to you - Exhibit 'A'.
They tried though bless them and It was nice to see them take to the astro turf with some very sensible shoes with not a high heel in sight and from the first attempted kick it was obvious that this was going to be comedy gold. Firstly, I never understood why the World cup, the show-piece of FIFA's women's football was being played on a fake grass carpet, but moments later I applauded FIFA's decision to save the grass for both humanitarian reasons and to make sure at least the real footballer's have a decent surface to play on when the men's season kicks off. The game certainly didn't lack aggression, and as any man will tell you who has witnessed women fighting for clothing in a sale...they can get very vicious, this wasn't helped as a whole by a female referee who looked like she had just been chosen at random from a Pringle's 'Be a female world cup ref' competition because she missed a couple of decisions that were so clear cut that FIFA bribe allegations should be levelled at her. I do not doubt one bit that the particular referee from last night will have had a huge increase in her shoe size collection as of this morning. Perhaps I am giving her too much credit bless her and she was just incompetent though I hope for her fella's sake her cooking is better than her refereeing.
Germany apparently are one of the worlds best, and I make no apologies for not being up to scratch on the Ladies game, and were up against the new comers from the Ivory Coast. One or two gasps of 'Christ Drogba looks terrible' at one participant was soon forgotten in shame as I realised that it was indeed a female. The fun didn't end there, the Ivory Coast keeper was so bad I am shocked she even managed to catch the plane there because she rarely caught anything else, in fact she spend more time on her back than some of the intoxicated 'women' in my home town on a Friday night and they don't play football. In fairness the German keeper herself looked so much like a drag act that I was waiting for her to pick up a microphone and belt out a Diana Ross song. The German ladies scored 10 at will and it so could have been more but for their strikers kicking at thin air and missing the ball completely, at times I thought I was watching a lagged stream and the ball was seconds behind the live action.
One German striker seemed very quick and had very fast feet, however upon a close up it was clear she had aerodynamic features and her long pointy nose contributed in her speed at cutting through air. I also couldn't help but notice on German lady was wearing make-up...yes make-up. maybe she was worried about the close up's or perhaps she was hoping to bag herself a husband in the post match interviews, either way it seemed slightly unprofessional. There was a moment when I was impressed with some of the movements and grace as one woman glided through opponent after opponent showing dedication and a high degree of skill...then i realised I had knocked the TV remote and Kill Bill was on. Shame really as there was less air kicking in Kill Bill.
I eagerly awaited the full time interviews to see if any female footballer chosen to be the topic matter was suffering from the dreaded monthly cycle...from sports match to period drama if you catch my drift -
Male interviewer - ''Sasic, may I ask how it felt to score a Hat-trick in the World cup?''
Sasic - ''ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?''
Male interviewer - ''God no...I was just trying to....
Sasic - ''YOU HATE ME. YOU HATE ME. YOU WANT ME DEAD DON'T YOU???''
Anybody who has lived with a female know's that when that dreaded week arrives you have more chance of escaping an ISIS capture in tact, and you'd certainly be spoken to in more softening tones.
They tried though bless them and It was nice to see them take to the astro turf with some very sensible shoes with not a high heel in sight and from the first attempted kick it was obvious that this was going to be comedy gold. Firstly, I never understood why the World cup, the show-piece of FIFA's women's football was being played on a fake grass carpet, but moments later I applauded FIFA's decision to save the grass for both humanitarian reasons and to make sure at least the real footballer's have a decent surface to play on when the men's season kicks off. The game certainly didn't lack aggression, and as any man will tell you who has witnessed women fighting for clothing in a sale...they can get very vicious, this wasn't helped as a whole by a female referee who looked like she had just been chosen at random from a Pringle's 'Be a female world cup ref' competition because she missed a couple of decisions that were so clear cut that FIFA bribe allegations should be levelled at her. I do not doubt one bit that the particular referee from last night will have had a huge increase in her shoe size collection as of this morning. Perhaps I am giving her too much credit bless her and she was just incompetent though I hope for her fella's sake her cooking is better than her refereeing.
Germany apparently are one of the worlds best, and I make no apologies for not being up to scratch on the Ladies game, and were up against the new comers from the Ivory Coast. One or two gasps of 'Christ Drogba looks terrible' at one participant was soon forgotten in shame as I realised that it was indeed a female. The fun didn't end there, the Ivory Coast keeper was so bad I am shocked she even managed to catch the plane there because she rarely caught anything else, in fact she spend more time on her back than some of the intoxicated 'women' in my home town on a Friday night and they don't play football. In fairness the German keeper herself looked so much like a drag act that I was waiting for her to pick up a microphone and belt out a Diana Ross song. The German ladies scored 10 at will and it so could have been more but for their strikers kicking at thin air and missing the ball completely, at times I thought I was watching a lagged stream and the ball was seconds behind the live action.
One German striker seemed very quick and had very fast feet, however upon a close up it was clear she had aerodynamic features and her long pointy nose contributed in her speed at cutting through air. I also couldn't help but notice on German lady was wearing make-up...yes make-up. maybe she was worried about the close up's or perhaps she was hoping to bag herself a husband in the post match interviews, either way it seemed slightly unprofessional. There was a moment when I was impressed with some of the movements and grace as one woman glided through opponent after opponent showing dedication and a high degree of skill...then i realised I had knocked the TV remote and Kill Bill was on. Shame really as there was less air kicking in Kill Bill.
I eagerly awaited the full time interviews to see if any female footballer chosen to be the topic matter was suffering from the dreaded monthly cycle...from sports match to period drama if you catch my drift -
Male interviewer - ''Sasic, may I ask how it felt to score a Hat-trick in the World cup?''
Sasic - ''ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT?''
Male interviewer - ''God no...I was just trying to....
Sasic - ''YOU HATE ME. YOU HATE ME. YOU WANT ME DEAD DON'T YOU???''
Anybody who has lived with a female know's that when that dreaded week arrives you have more chance of escaping an ISIS capture in tact, and you'd certainly be spoken to in more softening tones.